Notable Dates

“Long for the words with hearts and wings
Something familiar when you miss everything
You rest your head against the window pane
Feet on the dash through the steady rain”

– The Menzingers, “Your Wild Years”

The year that my mom died, there were a bunch of things that happened in pretty quick succession. The first holiday, Easter, was exactly two weeks (to the day) later. Next was my birthday on April 24^th and a week after my mom’s birthday on May 1. The following week was Mother’s Day.

We waited a couple of months after she died to have her memorial service, so, all of those first things happened before we even gave her a proper send off. When the day of her service arrived, I was already beginning to suffer from paralyzing anxiety over the way things and relationships had begun to change in my life.

But, in some ways it kind of felt like all the things that happened in the time between her death and service didn’t count the first time around. Because of that, last year when the one year anniversary of her death arrived and all the events (holidays, birthdays, etc) came around again, it kind of felt like it was still the “first” of each thing.

So, here we are in 2025 and the two year anniversary of my mom’s death happened on March 19^th. The day snuck up on me and I didn’t realize it had arrived until Danny made a comment about it at dinner that night. Last week was my birthday and 2 days ago would have been my mom’s birthday. In 2024, all of the notable events still felt significant and worthy of recognition. This year, they have all landed with more of a whimper than a thud.

I am not sure how I feel about this. I do understand (on some level at least) the need for people to move on. But, her presence is always at the forefront of my mind so it feels disingenuous to act like her birthday is just some random day in my life. She always made such a big deal about celebrating my birthday. Looking back, I wish that she had gotten some of the fanfare for herself that she spent so much time bestowing upon others.

Anyways, Happy Belated Birthday mom.